Remembering

You never recover from the loss of a loved one. Even a pet. Things that happen around you remind you of them. For me, Onyx serves as a constant reminder of my beloved Ember. Every day I see her display a mannerism that is like Ember's and for a split second I see him. It makes me smile because he's still alive in my heart. There are other times, though, when the memory makes me cry. Like today. A friend's precious dog just lost the fight for life and she had to make an awful decision to let go. And as I followed the progress and hoped for good news, I relived every moment of Ember's last few days. And when I read the news that her sweet doggie had gone, I became a bawling, snot-covered, tear-stained mess. Crying both for her, because I know how she must be feeling, and for me because the memory is still so fresh in my mind, even after almost 2 years.
Just the other day, I was talking to my mum about pets and she still hasn't recovered from Tootsie, our first cat that we got when I was 5. Tootsie died when I was 23.
Even after 2 years, I stil can't talk about my Ember without coming dangerously close to crying. Even when I'm recalling great memories.
I sometimes wonder if it's worth opening your heart to a pet when I think about all the sadness when you lose them, but then I remeber all the joy Ember gave me, and all the joy I get from kissing the top of the sweet kitty heads and rubbing those soft kitty bellies of Nikki and Onyx every day, and I realize it's more than worth it.