Xmas funk

Thanksgiving is over, and I can't shake off this grumpy feeling I get whenever the subject of xmas arises. I'm not trying to be a grinch, in fact, I was hoping that this year I would get into the spirit of things because now I have the best reason ever to celebrate xmas... to see my son's face light up when he opens his presents. And I am looking forward to that aspect, but the consumerism of it all just sucks all the joy out of the season for me. I hate having to come up with a list of things I want people to buy me. It takes all the thought out of gift giving if you just send someone a direct link to the item you want. Hell, if we're gonna do that, then let me just go buy it for myself, you go buy your own gift and we'll drop all the pretense that we're being thoughtful and call it even.

It's a bad attitude, I know. And people want to give gifts that you want and will appreciate, and are asking for my help. But if you know a person well enough to feel like you want to give them a gift, then shouldn't you also know enough about them to make a thoughtful decision for yourself on what the gift should be?

I guess the root of my attitude problem is this: last year was Trent's first xmas, and my parents were with me on xmas day for the first time in over a decade, and it was magical. And I suppose I'm protecting my heart from the disappointment of not having them here this xmas by copping a 'tude and setting my expectations low, which consequently makes me grumpy.

I want to shake it, really I do. Last year I even put lights up. This year I can't be arsed to do it.