More realities of pregnancy

As I stated, my previous post was just the tip of the iceberg. Aside from the little bundle of joy at the end of all this, there are many other little gifts of nature that you can look forward to. Of course all women are different, so perhaps others will not experience all of these unpleasant things, but it seems that mother nature threw her entire bag of goodies at me.

Acne...
I have never in my life had more than 2 active zits at any given time. Not even during puberty. During pregnancy, and from very early on, I have been plagued with zits. Forehead, nose, chin, upper lip. The T-zone. At one point I had 11 active zits on my forehead. I got so desperate I bought Proactive, which has helped somewhat, but here's the catch... no pregnancy testing has been done with Proactive, and your doctor will tell you something vague like "if you think the benefits outweigh the risk, then use it". Well, sorry kid, but I will not be a pizza face for you!

Backne...
Hormone induced zits do not discriminate. They don't care that you can't reach your back to put zit cream on there. In fact, that's perhaps why they live there. They know you can't get them! My once beautiful smooth back now has a nice collection of back zits.

Hair growth...
With raging hormones comes a growth spurt in hair. The hair on your head will grow faster, and fall out less. Your hair will become thicker and fuller. This is a good thing for me because I have fine hair. However, it does not limit iteself to your head. Hair will grow where you never had hair before. Mustache, stomach, NIPPLES! WTF?

Pregnancy glow...
In my experience, this is a complete myth. Maybe I just don't see it because I'm too busy focusing on the zits and hair. Nobody has told me I'm glowing. Sure, I've got increased blood volume, which supposedly should cause me to have a rosey glow, but I'm just not seeing it. You're supposed to get better looking during pregnancy, because the increased blood volume plumps the skin and reduces wrinkles, etc. Of course, you're too busy staring in dismay at the cheese forming on your upper thighs to notice.

Cravings and aversions...
My cravings haven't been that strong. I fimd that I'm highly suggestible. When the restaurant or food advertisements come on around dinner time, I'm very driven by those images. Pregnancy literature and anecdotal evidence suggest that during pregnancy you gain an aversion to things that are bad for you, and crave the things that are good for you. If that's true, then why am I craving Tequila shots and I have an aversion to chicken? I also crave sushi, medium rare steak, and sweets.

Sleeping...
I have Restless Leg Syndrome. It's an hereditary condition that causes your legs to get a weird fidgety sensation that causes you to move to relieve it. Sometimes the movements are involunary. During pregnancy, this is amplified many times, and guess what? all of the drugs that relieve RLS are not safe for pregnant women! On top of that, during the second trimester, you should not sleep on your back because it cuts off circulation to your heart and to the placenta. You can't sleep on your stomach because it becomes uncomfortable, so you're left with left side or right side. I really believe that the problems you encounter sleeping while pregnant are preparing you for the sleepless nights and 4am feedings that you'll be a slave to when the kid is born.

I have to pee!...
We're told that the single most important thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to hydrate. Recommendations range from 64 to 80 ounces of water a day. Drinking water helps flush toxins from your body, and deliver much needed nutrients to the baby. In addition it helps stop stretch marks from forming (though if you're genetically predisposed to stretch marks, this won't do anything for you). What 80 ounces of water also does is make you pee every ten minutes, including in the night. I wake up in agony around 3am and 6am every morning because my bladder is full to the point of bursting. Again, I believe this is designed to prepare you for the frequent feedings when the baby is here.

Why am I here?...
The old wives tale that the baby sucks the intelligence right out of you is true. My ability to focus is severely deminished. I find myself being distracted very easily, and I can't count the number of times I've walked up the stairs with a purpose, got there and forgot why I went. It's not limited to the house, either. I went to the mall a couple of weeks ago with a purpose, got there, forgot why I was there, got pissed at myself and left. And of course, there's the hormonal outbursts. When emotion is high, intellegence and rationality are always low.

Clumsiness...
This one baffles me. I first noticed it while cooking. I have always considered myself to be a very competent knife handler, but recently I can't count on one hand the number of times I've almost chopped my finger off while preparing dinner. I drop things, knock things over, and trip over my own feet. I thought this would show iteself later in pregnancy when my center of gravity shifts due to the giant belly, but no, it happened even before I started showing. Coordination seems to be a little off.

Sense of smell...
It's a well documented fact that pregnant women have a sense of smell that would rival a hound. I was very surprised by how quickly this kicked in. We were on our honeymoon in Bali when mine did. I could smell someone smoking from the other side of the hotel! Of course, Brian and I didn't put two and two together until we got home and took the test and found out we were pregnant. Then the lightbulb came on! A delightful side effect of this symptom is that when your husband farts, you are the first to smell it, and it lasts twice as long, and it's ten times as bad as it usually is. Lovely!

Everyone who's ever been pregnant has advice for you...
This one is particularly annoying to me. I appreciate that these people are offering their 2 cents with the best intentions. They'll tell you how their whole pregnancy went, and how they felt, and how you should be feeling. They'll draw comparisons and sympathize with you. Why I find this annoying is beyond me. I know I should be grateful that these women are sharing their experiences with me, and are trying to impart their wisdom on me to help me feel better, and to let me know that I'm not alone, but I just find myself thinking "Lady, are you in here? No! so how can you possibly know what's going on in here?". I'm going to blame my intolerance of this on hormones.

Gas...
Everyone who knows me knows that my gas is legendary. And during pregnancy most women are afflicted with an excess of gas. I remember one of my very modest friends who never farted, leaning over to grab a gift at her baby shower, and let out a loud fart. I laughed my ass off... My gas seems to have subsided. At least from the rear end. Now I'm afflicted with man-burps. After every meal I can let out the loudest most manly belch you've ever heard. If you heard it, you'd look around for a 300lb man.

It's ok... she's pregnant...
One benefit of pregnancy is that you can get away with almost anything. If I belch out loud in the office, my office mate excuses me with "it's ok, you're pregnant". If I burst into tears for no reason, it's ok! I'm pregnant. If I get irate over seemingly insignificant things, it's OK! I'm pregnant! If I am at dinner with friends, I can say "Hey... are you gonna eat that?" and reach over to get it because it's OK! I'm pregnant! Finally, one benefit of being pregnant that I can get behind!