What language do they speak in England?

I swear this is a legitimate question asked of me by my hair stylist this past week! Followed up by "is it German?"

Really.

Lucky for her she is an excellent hairdresser. In her defense she is from Central America, and English is her second language. After my initial shock (which I hope I did a good job of disguising) I didn't want her to feel stupid, after all, she did have a razor in her hand, so I told her that there are many languages spoken in the UK, including Welsh, Hindi, and Albanian, due to the influx of refugees from Kosovo in the not so distant past, but the official language of England was English (Duh!). And that in school we are also taught French, and some schools teach German and Spanish, too.

After thinking about it, I wondered if I could identify which counties spoke which language. For example, I have always assumed that in South and Central America, everyone spoke Spanish or Portuguese, but after Googling it, I found that they might also speak French, Dutch, or English as a first language. So I, too, am a little ignorant here.

But I thought for sure that England and English were so very obvious!